Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
