All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
