aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
