My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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