I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
