Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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