One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
