I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
