she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My cat gives me a boner
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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