Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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