The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
