You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
