One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
