we're chasing vodka with high fives
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
