i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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