my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.