Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.