Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever