I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
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gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.