I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.