I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
vagina is talking i cant
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed