2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My life is pants optional.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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