I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
