i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
