how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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