Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
