We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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