I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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