So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
