I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
