I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
