we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
