He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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