oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
