I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
