I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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