He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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