Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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