Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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