Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
