"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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