i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
