Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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