just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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