Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
