I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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