if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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