I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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