i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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