the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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