Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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