i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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