Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
