Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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