Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
