no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
