i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
