Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
