I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
