mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
