he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
