Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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