I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
