Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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