I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
